I just got to Dallas and...

it smells like poo in Neiman's, burning outside and chlorine everywhere else.

From Me to You

You're worth the calories! :-)

Iron On T-shirt Contest

Leave T-shirt making to the pros at Urban Outfitters.... Never try to iron on letters yourself. Two hours of slaving over hot irons and all we got are two ghetto-tastic T-shirts...

Much Ado about July 4th

"OMG! This tastes exactly like real Coke! How do they do that?"

"I like a Wal-mart skirt!"

"Everything in here is, like, a dollar."

"Marquee creamery"
"Those fuckers spelled Marquee wrong!"

"Is Beltline like a loop or something?"
"Ummmm, BELT LINE..."

"Traffic is a dick suck douche fest."

"PLEASE EVACUATE THE BUILDING!"

"Is it a chode or a tuft of chode?"

"I bet you five bucks this doesn't have aspartame in it."

"Aspartame can poison you!!"

"She puts that aspartame on my tongue tongue, yippy yippy yum yum"

I Hate the Fuck Out of Small Towns...

Today's hated small towns include: Keller and Irving...fucking awful. Neither of us have any clue as to why anyone would want to live there.